Monday, November 11, 2013

an overdue adieu

When I tell people that I have an etiquette blog, they are fascinated.  They always want to know how on earth I started such a thing.

And I tell them the truth:  My friends made me.  (To be specific:  Lisa, Melinda, Sarah, and Suzanha.)

It was six years ago, and I was a young attorney and a newlywed with a sassy bob and a lot of free time.  Much of that free time was spent networking.  Proper Husband and I were Quite the Young Professionals on the scene in Austin.  (In many ways, he still is.  I'll get to where that puts me in a moment.)

My friends kept telling me, "You need to blog."  I insisted that I wasn't an *expert* at anything (not then aware that a whopping majority of blogs are, ahem, written by people who aren't experts at anything).  After some pressuring and probing, I did confess that I am The Friend that people come to with etiquette questions.  

Writing about etiquette with your real name seemed risky and judgmental to me.  I needed a pen name.  And so, Proper Paige came to be.

Six years later, I am still an attorney and still very happily married.  I have very little free time.  Why?  I have an amazing son who is almost 4 years old.  I have a long commute.  I have a rewarding (and challenging) career.  And I have a bun in the oven.  

I don't go to networking events much anymore, because I rush home from the office to preschool to pick up the Proper(ish) Toddler.  It's not a chore; it's a joy.  Getting home to him and Proper Husband is the bright light of every day.  On the rare evenings when I have made plans after work, I inevitably miss them so much that I wish I didn't have whatever plans I've made.  (But then I go and have fun, but there's a pull, you see.)

This means that very little of my time is spent, oh, people watching in cool restaurants; stepping foot into a bar; hosting tapas parties; and things of that nature.  I still have strong opinions about etiquette.  That's innate.  But, you see, I don't have the time, or the desire, to write about them right now.

And when I tell people I have an etiquette blog, I feel like a poser, because it has gotten so little attention from me in the past couple of years, is that an overstatement?

So, there's nothing to stop me from warming up my typing fingers and dropping an opinion here from time to time.  I would love it if you kept me bookmarked.

But, if you don't hear from me, please know that I'm out there in the world, trying to be a wife, mother, attorney, writer, daughter, sister, runner, and friend -- all while treating people with the grace and respect with which I hope to be treated.  Oh, and always writing thank you notes and using the correct fork.  Some things never change.

Be well, and thanks for sharing.

-- Proper Paige

Oh, and if you are *totally* going to miss me so much you can't stand it, I'm also Instagramming my face off.  @hdbernard.  And I tweet sometimes.  Also @hdbernard.  Hugs.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Free Form Friday: Running

I've been a runner on and off for my entire life.  As of this week, it's on again.

To be honest, something about this time feels different.  I'm not in my 20's anymore.  It's a bummer, but it's true.  I'm not sure my metabolism can get out of its own way.  And that is No Bueno.

So, with the gravitas of a thirty-something working mama, blogger, other blogger, volunteer, wife, daughter, sister, and friend type of person, I'm recommitting to running.  You heard it here first.  (Or, if you work with me, you saw my sweaty mess of a self after a lunchtime run this week.  Yes, that was me.)

What I will not commit to, however, is any of these common running no-nos.  Dude, just because you've run twenty seven ultramarathons does not mean you can blow your snot rocket at me.  Nope.  


I love Runners World.  And I love the idea of being able to give people tickets.  Anyone who knows how I can get deputized should definitely email me.

Hope you commit to something healthy (and proper) today.

Ta ta for now,
Proper Paige

PS:  It might be worth $5 if you really have to fart.  

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

From the archives: Modus Interrupti

Originally posted on May 23, 2011.  This one deserves to be dusted off and shared again, because people never stop interrupting.
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Back to Basics Monday: Modus Interrupti

We all know that it's rude to interrupt people.  But we still do it.  Not all the time.  But, sometimes.  Why?

Image credit


1)  We get excited.  
Sometimes, the little kid inside of us (and there's one in all of us; this I deeply believe) WANTS TO TALK NOW.  And the "now" isn't relative; it isn't next in conversation; it isn't in turn.  It's RIGHT NOW.  So, sometimes we interrupt because we are so excited about what we have to say.

2)  We are uber, mega relaxed in the company.  
If it's your sister or your oldest friend, or a dinner party with your sister and your oldest friend, sometimes you just don't think.  You get in there with your witty banter and your love of these people and the comfort that comes from the fact that they've seen you in good times, and bad, and you just talk the heck over them.

Image credit (OMG, this tumblr is hilarious)


3)  We are correcting something.  
Whether it's of crucial importance or not, one big time interruptions occur is when the speaker says something that the interrupter wants to build on, correct, tweak, or otherwise give their  revision to.  

4)  We are "lawyering."  
I have noticed that attorneys are frequent interrupters.  Usually it arises in the context of a work discussion where a legal theory is being discussed.  Good lawyers think quickly, and can often anticipate the line of reasoning another lawyer is going to use.  This means that, sometimes, an overly enthusiastic or smart ass lawyer can (1) hear what the other person is saying; (2) finish their thought before the person says it; (3) think of something they would like to add or contradict that hasn't been said yet; and (4) interrupt to say it.  

(Full disclosure:  I'm a lawyer.  I have done this.  Crap, when you type out how it works, it's even more rude than I imagined.)

Thanks, Proper Paige, for this litany of reasons that we all do something that we know to be wrong.  What's the point here?

The point is this:  You don't need to tell me that interrupting is wrong.  But, as pointed out in the blog post referenced above, the interruption basically works like this:

  • Talker is saying something. ("So, one time when I was traveling in Europe, I was on a flight from London to Frankfurt...")
  • Talker gets interrupted when seemingly incorrect information is presented, and the interrupter gives the ‘correct’ information. (OR) Talker is interrupted with some sort of encouraging remark.  ("Wait, you told me this happened to you in Munich!"  OR "Oh yeah!  I love this story!  Were you flying British Airways?")
  • Talker responds.  In any number of ways, including but not limited to:  They may close down and stop talking.  They may integrate the new data and keep talking.  They may disagree with the new data being given and a debate could then ensue.  They may be thankful to the person for correcting them.  They may be resentful of the person interrupting.  They may be grateful or relieved that the correct data was supplied. They may feel embarrassed.  Or they may experience some hybrid combination of all those responses. ("Oh, yeah, it was Munich!  Anyway..." OR "No, it was Frankfurt.  Seriously."  OR "Ha ha!  Your memory is so good.  Yes, Munich..."  OR "Uh...what was I saying?  Anyway, Germany..." OR "Seriously.  Can I finish?")
  • The flow of conversation and immediate dynamic between the people talking has changed. (Link to a blog post which shares this astute observation.)
Image credit

 That's it.  No matter what the person was talking about, what the interrupter said, or how the person responded, an interruption changes the flow and dynamic of a conversation.

Eew.  That makes it sound selfish.  That makes it sound aggressive.  That makes it sound really childish, even.  Because it is.

So, I'm counting myself in here.  No mas interruptions.  Let's not do it anymore, mmmkay?

Letting you finish your thought.  For reals,
Proper Paige
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I think I've gotten better about not interrupting in the past couple of years since I originally wrote this.  Proper Husband may disagree.  It certainly won't hurt to pay attention to it, anew and again.

Also, yes, I watched quite a bit of the Cosby Show marathon on TV Land this weekend.  Why do you ask?

Hope your thoughts are valued and completed today.

Ta ta for now,
Proper Paige

Monday, July 15, 2013

Back to Basics Monday: Escalators

Do not sit on escalators.

Image from this article, which is both disturbing and hilarious.
And reminds me why I'm glad I grew up on the East Coast
but don't actually live there anymore.
Calm down, people.

Hope no one sits on your escalator today.

Ta ta for now,
Proper Paige

Friday, July 12, 2013

Free Form Friday: It's Not About the Fork (Unless it is.)



I had coffee with a friend the other day.  He encouraged me to "pick the blogging back up."  He's an incredibly smart and perceptive person whose opinion I trust immeasurably.  (And it will also make him blush to read that, which shows how darn nice and modest he is.)

He observed that it would probably be hard to resume blogging again as more and more time passes.  If you've created a voice on a blog and used it to speak, and then you let it get rusty, what happens?  Does it atrophy?  Is it the same?  

I had been missing my soapbox, as it were, as Proper Paige.  The conversation was motivating.

And then he said, "And, you know, if you wait too long, your 'welcome back' post has to be pretty phenomenal."

Dammit.

The reason for my silence is my business.  And water under the bridge really.  Life happens, you know?

My phenomenal etiquette revelation, to reopen the dialogue and, as it were, warm up my voice again?  The more I pondered it, I realized he had inadvertently given me that, too.

Give sincere advice.

Sneaky, right?  But it's true.  His advice wasn't critical, self-interested, or difficult.  It was simple, well-intentioned, and sincere.

But, Proper Paige, isn't that what advice IS?  
Someone telling you nicely what they think you should do?

Well, yes.  I suppose so.  But have you ever had the experience where someone tried to give you advice that just sounded bossy?  Have you ever had someone give you advice about something you needed to change that just felt, well, like criticism?  Have you ever tried to give someone "tough love" and then been annoyed when they seemed too obtuse or sensitive to get where you were coming from?

I have.  And I've given advice that I'm sure has fallen into those categories, too.  Ouch.  It smarts to admit it, but it's the truth.

So, therein lies the rub.  I've been saying this since the beginning:

Etiquette isn't just about what fork to use.  
It is about How You Treat People.  
So, give sincere advice.  

I mean it.  And so should you.

Sneak attack flatware lesson!
From left to right:
cold meat fork, 2 serving spoons (one "pierced" as in, with holes), butter knife,
and sugar spoon, which is called a sugar shell.  (Link)

Hope you get some kick ass advice over coffee today.  Or give some.

Ta ta for now,
Proper Paige

Friday, March 8, 2013

Free Form Friday: Belated Oscar Reaction

Truth:  I fell asleep during the Oscars this year.  

Truth:  That has never happened before.

Truth:  I don't think I missed much.

I do, however, have opinions about what people wore.  Because, you know, this isn't a fashion blog, and I am far from a fashionista.  But everyone and their mother is allowed to have opinions about fashion on Oscar  night.

Honorable Mentions:

Amy Adams.  Love it.
Jennifer Lawrence.
I, along with every other blogger and woman in the country,
want to be her best friend.


Best Dressed:

Reese, I adore you.
And that's my favorite color.  And your hair looks fabulous.
And you just had a baby.  Let's have lunch.  OK?
Jessica Chastain.  Looks amazing.


No Dice:

Oh Anne.  I have always loved you.  But ... you are seeming fake these days.
The term "humble brag" comes to mind.  And also, this dress makes you look like your
high beams are on.  YouknowwhatImean?



Jennifer, I adore you and your cute Affleck family.
And I know this is Gucci.  But you look like a grape
with a fancy tail.  Sorry.  It's true.

Here's hoping that you don't fall down any stairs today, and that you do not look like a grape.

Ta ta for now,
Proper Paige

Monday, November 19, 2012

Back to Basics Monday: Hostess Gifts

When I was growing up, Proper Mother impressed upon me the importance of taking "hostess gifts" or "bread and butter gifts" when I visited someone.

This is Instance #872 where Proper Mother was right.

What is a hostess gift, really?  
Better yet, what is a bread and butter gift?

A hostess gift is a little present to express your gratitude at being invited to someone's home, like for a party. A bread and butter gift is the same idea, but is generally a little more substantial and expresses gratitude at being invited to stay overnight at someone's home.  (Overnight event; beach house, etc.)
This sounds fancy.  What are some ideas?

I agree.  It does sound fancy.  But it certainly doesn't have to be.  In all honesty, bringing "a little something" to say thank you is a timeless expression of good manners.  And, as gifts usually are, pretty darn welcome from the recipient.

Since we are heading at breakneck speed into the holiday season, here are some ideas for hostess gifts that I like and would happily give.

1.  Wine.


Decoy Cabernet, 2010 (2009 also rocks), available here.

Proper Mother might turn her nose up a smidge at the thought of giving alcohol as a gift.  She's pretty old school (not that there's anything wrong with that!).  I, on the other hand, have no such reservations, so long as the gift is, well, nice.

Another gift that would likely be well received:

I am not a gin drinker, but even I know this is the stuff.
2.  Food.

I am headed straight to World Market to get some of these ginger snaps from Sweden, by the way.  Also, the tin is awesome and they would make a lovely hostess gift.

Yum.
I would also not decline a gift that looked like this, perhaps accompanied by an espresso cup and saucer?  Yes, please.

Image credit.

3.  Flowers.

The eternal hostess gift is flowers.  I am a big fan of buying a few stems of whatever is fresh and in season, thus enabling the hostess to do some effortlessly chic flower arranging.  Something like this:

Image credit


4.  A fun house "thing."

Like these coasters.  I heart them.

From Williams-Sonoma.
Or these "I'm so worldly" wine glass charms.  I  heart them, too.

From Pottery Barn.


4.  Something for the kiddos.

It's time for us to start reading this gem to Proper Toddler.  Why not give it as a gift?

I am a big fan of Jan Brett's illustrations.
Also, this new addition to the Christmas books is pretty awesome:


I guess it's pretty clear that I'm gearing up for the holidays around my house, isn't it?  Would it be wrong to admit that I'm also already listening to Christmas music?  (I think not.)

Hope there is some jingle bell rock in your life soon.

Ta ta for now,
Proper Paige